


Let's keep each other safe from the world

by YoureA_ForceOf_Nature



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Asexual, Depression, F/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-08 04:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14686479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoureA_ForceOf_Nature/pseuds/YoureA_ForceOf_Nature
Summary: It's not easy living in a world where you feel like no one understands.





	1. Chapter One – The Words You Speak Surrounding Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I hope you enjoy 'Let's keep each other safe from the world' there could be some chapters that might be triggering, I will put any trigger warnings that could be needed at the start of the chapter. If you want to know what happens in a chapter but don't want the trigger, feel free to find me @ a-force-of-nature on Tumblr and I will give you a synopsis of the chapter.
> 
> TW: Panic attack, I don't think it is too bad but just letting you know.
> 
> Chapter Title from Catch Fire by 5SOS
> 
> Also, Thank you @kulina for their help to edit this chapter

Jolting awake from that dream, that nightmare again, she felt her breath quicken and her hands shake as she pushed her tangled mess of hair out of her face. She looked over at the clock on her nightstand; 9.54 am. Maybe Geoff would be awake. Maybe. Grabbing her phone, which was lying next to the clock, she quickly called the only person she ever felt comfortable enough to be on the phone with.

Clicking so the phone was on speaker, she dropped it onto the bed, unable to hold it with sweaty palms and shaky hands. She could hear the ringing sound echo around the room, mixing with the sound of her heartbeat thumping in her ears and the excess of breathing. All the sounds blending together became too loud, too obnoxious, and her hands flew to her ears in an attempt to block out all of the noise. It didn’t work, only adding another sound like rushing wind to the mix. The ringing stopped suddenly, and there was a brief moment where the only sounds to be heard were breathing and a heart beating.

"Ari, are you okay?" Geoff’s worried sounding voice rang through the room. She understood why he was worried though; around 95 percent of the time she called, she wasn’t okay. Pretty much the only time she could stomach being on the phone was during a panic attack, because that was the only way she could hear his voice. Any other time, it freaked her out so much that she ended up having a panic attack anyway.

"I needed to hear your voice," Ari breathed out as best she could as she curled in on herself, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Did you have another nightmare?" she heard him ask, sounding upset. Ari never wanted to make Geoff upset or worried, but she felt like she had been doing that a lot lately, and she hated it. She hated worrying anyone. Why make someone worry about her when they already have other things going on? It’s not important. Nothing about her is important.

"Yeah. Can you just talk to me? Tell me what you’ve got planned for today? Anything," she asked him, her voice coming out almost like a whimper. She could feel the pressure on her chest, like it was a balloon, and someone was pressing down on it, and any moment it was going to pop. Burst. Explode. It was going to happen - it was just a matter of when.

"Of course," Geoff replied. He could tell his best friend was having a panic attack, and he couldn’t be there physically at that exact moment, so this was the best he could do - try and distract her long enough so that she had something else to focus on and she could start to breathe normally again. "Today we were going to have a band practice. I’m on my way over there now, but if you need me to turn my car around, I will. You know that. Just tell me." He fretted, already looking for a place where he could turn around, but it was hard on a highway, so for a moment he kept driving forward.

"It’s okay, Gee, I’m fine." Ari tried to reassure her best friend, but her voice sounded so tired and strained.

"Nope, I’m on my way," Geoff decided as he spotted an exit off the highway.

"What about Awsten and Otto? They’ll be mad at me for making you miss practice," Ari whimpered, her eyes stinging with tears yet to fall at the thought of her friends being mad at her.

"No, Ari, listen, they won't mind. It’s okay. They know you’ve had a lot going on lately. Granted they don’t know what it is, but they care about you and just want to see you happy, and trust me, they would be mad at me if they found out I didn’t come and be with you when you need me, okay? So, don’t worry about them.” The line went silent for a moment before Geoff spoke again.

“Hey, what about later we could all go over Awsten’s? I know how much you love Jet," Geoff rambled, wanting to offer anything that could help. She had been stuck inside for weeks, and he wasn’t sure if she had been outside since it happened. She needed to get out of the house, but he didn’t want to force her and cause her to spiral into a panic attack.

As Ari listened to his calming voice come through the speaker, she focused on breathing, and she couldn’t help but let out a little smile at the thought of Awsten’s cat, Jet. She was honestly so adorable and always came to lay on Ari whenever she was over. The soft sound of the cat purring always seemed to calm any anxious thoughts for Ari. She wished she could get a cat of her own, but her landlord didn’t allow pets, so she was stuck in this tiny one-bedroom apartment alone.

"That sounds nice" Ari admitted, her breathing starting to even out again.

"Good, we will do that, then. Sounds like a good way to spend the day. Hey, do you think you’d be able to unlock your door? I’m just pulling up to your street now," Geoff asked. He knew how paralysed her anxiety attacks could make her, but he could hear that her voice wasn’t as strained and the fast breathing had slowed down a bit, so he was hoping she would be able to unlock the door so he could be there for his best friend.

"Yeah, I can do that," was the soft reply that Geoff heard back.

"Okay, good. I’m going to hang up, quickly phone Awsten and fill them in on the change of plans, and I will be with you in like two minutes. Does that sound okay?" he asked his fragile friend.

"Yeah, that sounds okay," he heard back before hanging up and clicking on his bandmate’s number after he parked in the apartment complex’s parking lot. It was after three rings his purple-haired friend answered.

"Geoff! Are you on your way here?" Awsten asked, a bright tone in his voice that morning.

"Sorry, no - Ari needed me. I just got to her apartment," Geoff said, filling his friend in briefly, as he got out of his car and locked it before starting to walk up to the apartment building.

"Fuck, is she okay?" Awsten worried.

"She will be. I suggested to her we all go to yours today. Jet helps her a lot, and I think getting her out of the house will do her some good as well. I hope that’s all right," Geoff mentioned, really hoping Awsten didn’t have any plans today.

"Yeah, man, of course! Jet loves having Ari around. We all do. I miss her," Awsten admitted with a small, nervous-sounding laugh.

"Awesome. Alright, I’ve got to go. We will see you in a few hours or something," Geoff said and hung up before he heard a reply. He had reached Ari’s door. Pushing the door open, he saw Ari on her sofa, wrapped up in her duvet. She looked so tiny, as the seemingly gigantic mass of material had consumed her. Geoff’s heart broke as he observed the girl who had been his best friend for most of his life looking so small and vulnerable.

"Hey, Ari, are you feeling any better?" Geoff asked, his voice soft and calm as he closed the door behind himself and made his way over to the sofa.

"A little, I guess. Can’t get his face out of my head" she admitted, not able to even look in his direction.

"I know, and it’s okay. These things take time, but you're not alone. You don’t have to go through this alone - you have me and Awsten, Otto and Jawn too. Awsten was excited to see you later; he told me he misses you," Geoff told Ari in an attempt to show her she has all these people who cared about her, and it seemed to work as she gave him a small but seemingly genuine smile. "Come on, let's watch something for a while, and then we will head over to Awsten’s," he suggested.

"One Day At a Time?" she asked, sounding hopeful. It was her favourite show, and she had watched it more times than she could count, but it still made her laugh and cry just like it did the first time around.

"You bet!" Geoff said, smiling at Ari as he grabbed her laptop from her coffee table and switched it on. "Right, you set that up, and I will make you some toast, okay?"

"Thank you, Gee," he heard as he walked into her kitchen.

A couple of minutes passed, and he re-entered the room to see Ari had changed position, and he noticed that she had rearranged the duvet so they could both be underneath. This caused Geoff to grin at his friend, knowing that when her anxiety was bad, anyone touching her pushed her anxiety up so high, but seeing this when he walked into the room let him know that she really was starting to feel better - at least for now, and right at this moment, that seemed good enough.


	2. Chapter Two - My Mind Keeps Running and Running in Circles Around Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: Outside - Bea Miller

It was around three hours later when Geoff and Ari walked up the path to Awsten’s door. Ari hid her body behind Geoff and watched their feet as she followed him. The thoughts in her mind had started running around in circles again, but she didn’t want to worry anyone anymore today, or preferably ever again. Although she had reached the conclusion that the latter was probably not possible so, today had to do. 

"Geoff! Aurora! I haven’t seen you in forever! Jet misses you like crazy!" Awsten greeted as his door burst open when they were halfway up his driveway. He was the only one to call Aurora by her actual name, everyone else just called her Ari, but he was stubborn like that. It was like he had been watching from his window and waiting for them, which he probably had been knowing him. It took so much of Ari's self-control not to recoil as Awsten came bounding down the path towards them looking for a hug. However, Geoff knew that physical contact like that would probably still be too overwhelming for his best friend, who was almost cowering behind his back. So, he held his arms out for Awsten, pulling his energetic friend into a hug.

"Not just now man, she needs some space," Geoff whispered to Awsten during the hug before pulling away. He caught the frown on Awsten's face for a split second before he forced a smile to reappear. 

"Come in, come in! Otto and Jawn are already inside," Awsten announced, turning around and leading the two of them into his living room. As they walked through the door Geoff smiled and said hello to his two friends, asking how they’d been. Ari gave a small smile and a quiet hello before making her way to the armchair she almost always claimed when she was at Awsten’s. As she let herself sink into the tan coloured chair, she exhaled a small sigh of relief. This seemed so familiar, so right. She hadn’t been with all her friends at once in about three weeks and seeing them all chatting and laughing brought a smile to her face. She felt the warmth ricochet around her body as she continued to watch her friends, still not having enough energy to actually participate at the moment due to the panic attack she had that morning. Aurora liked watching anyway, taking in the details of a situation. She had always been told that she was a great listener. Plus she found it a lot easier to listen rather than talking and having to worry about saying something stupid. As she sat there she felt a light pressure on her lap and sure enough, Jet had found her way onto the girl’s lap, causing a smile to break out on her lips. This cat was a huge source of comfort for Ari with her anxiety, but she was just incredibly adorable as well so it was like a win-win. She watched as Jet nestled into her and looked up at her before lying down on her lap. Ari couldn’t help but pet the soft, kind animal lying on her, feeling more at peace than she had in weeks.   
As Ari continued to watch the now purring Jet in her lap, she listened to her friends talk about some band practice or something, but she didn’t realise that Awsten was watching her with the fondest smile on his face. He watched the girl he cared for smiling at his cat and looking so much more relaxed and free than she had been when she had been walking to his door not even half an hour ago.

Awsten wished he could come up with something that would help her. Knowing she was hurting was killing him and he just wanted to be able to do something, but he could see that she felt far more comfortable with Geoff than anyone else. He had always wondered if there was something going on between them, but there didn’t seem to be any indication of that, so he eventually assumed that there wasn’t. He really hoped that he was right about that. 

Geoff kept glancing at Ari too, to make sure she seemed okay. For now, she did, and he was genuinely thankful for that. She had had enough to deal with in the past few weeks and she deserved to have a break and feel okay for a while. She deserved to feel happy. 

"So, are you guys excited for the tour?" Jawn asked after a while of conversation between the four of them.

"Tour?" Aurora questioned, her soft voice cracking making all four of the guys turn to look at her in surprise. She hadn’t said a word other than ‘hi’ since she had arrived, although that wasn’t the only reason they all looked surprised. Every single one of them had forgotten to mention to her that they were going back out on tour. Her heart cracked - they’d forgotten about her. They were all going to leave and forget her. Nobody said anything, and the room descended into silence apart from the soft purring of Jet who had long since fallen asleep on Aurora's laps. "When? When are you going? When were you going to tell me?" Tears threatened to spill over her eyes, making them sting.

"Ari listen to me," Geoff said quickly standing up, crossing the room before crouching down in front of the armchair she was sitting in. "I was going to tell you, I was on my way to tell you that night…." Geoff paused, hoping she knew which night he meant because he knew she would be even madder at him if he spilled what had happened a few weeks ago in front of everyone. "But I couldn’t tell you this right after what happened and since then I haven't wanted to bring it up when you aren’t feeling that great. And I haven't had the heart to tell you when you have been feeling better either because I didn’t want to upset you. I know I should have told you, and I’m sorry, but tour starts in two weeks…" Ari watched as he confessed his reasons. He watched her as well, looking for her reaction. 

 

"I need a few minutes," she whispered, picking up the once sleeping and now very confused cat out of her lap and placing him back in the chair after she had stood up. Aurora crossed the room biting her lip and clenching her fists so her nails dug into the skin on her palms, the pain keeping her focused and stopping the tears that were burning in her eyes from falling. As she closed the door to the living room behind her, she ran up the stairs planning to go to the most peaceful place around here - the roof outside Awsten’s window.


	3. Chapter Three - Now My World Is Shattering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the Chapter: Gravity - Against the Current

Geoff froze in his position crouched in front of the chair which now just holds a confused Jet. Geoff's eyes were closed, and he forced himself to take a breath.

"Geoff, I thought you’d told her," Jawn said, sounding a little guilty for bringing it up.

"I was going to, but then things just got out of hand and fuck!" he said as he ran his hand through his hair, knowing it was most likely already a mess. He turned around and flopped down on the ground, falling against the sofa now behind him. He looked up and saw the other three guys looking at him with disappointment clearly written across their faces. None of them wanted to leave Ari behind, but it wasn’t like they couldn’t tour either. It just really sucked that everything had been going downhill for the last few weeks, it made it the worst time to have to leave and go on a tour for two months. The other three were scared because Ari had only just started hanging out with them again today after weeks of not feeling up to it, so they knew whatever was going on wasn’t good. However, Geoff was terrified to leave his best friend. He knew what was going on, he had seen what happened, he knew how she deals with stress and pain, he knew the insecurities she has and he didn’t want to leave her alone for months at a time. But this was his job, his life, his dream.

"One of us needs to go check on her", Otto announced, cutting the silence that had fallen across the room. "And no offence Geoff, but I don’t think it should be you right now," he said, looking over at his bandmate with a look of sympathy.

"No, it’s okay, I know she probably doesn’t want to see me right now," Geoff said with a small frown.

"I’ll go." Awsten was quick to volunteer. He stood and walked out of the room before anyone had a chance to stop him, not that they would have.

Awsten made his way up the stairs, knowing she was up there somewhere because he had heard her run up them after she left the living room before. As he walked along the hallway, he noticed the bathroom door was open, so she wasn’t in there. He then peeked his head into his music room and frowned when she wasn’t in there either. With only one more place to check upstairs, Awsten headed into his room. As he pushed the door open, he was surprised to find his room empty, but then he saw her. A piece of her golden brown hair blew into view through the window. She was sitting on the little roof outside his window, and he kicked himself because he should’ve known this is where she would be. Not wanting to give her a fright and scare her into falling off the roof, Awsten softly knocked on the open window causing Aurora to look back and give him a soft smile. He climbed out of his window and onto the roof and sat down next to her.

"I’m sorry I overreacted," she said, her voice soft and whisper-like, as she pulled the soft fabric of her sweater over her hands.

"Aurora, it’s okay, you didn’t overreact. We all thought Geoff had told you, we understand why this would upset you. None of us wants to leave you," he softly told her. She looked out across the city unable to make eye contact, plus she just liked the view from up here, being able to see across houses. But Awsten couldn’t keep his eyes off her, her hair falling around her, the golden brown being pushed around gently by the soft breeze. The sunlight hitting it made it look even more golden than usual.

"I just...I don’t know what I will do without all of you, I know I’ve been distant lately, but it’s still been comforting to know you are all here,” she admitted.

"We will all still be here for you, we will all just be a phone call away." Awsten reached out his hand gently wanting to make Aurora turn her head to look at him, but instead, she flinched away from him, which caused him to quickly retract his hand and mutter an apology.

As Aurora went back to watching the horizon, Awsten’s mind wandered. He knew she had always been shy and reserved, and not the biggest fan of physical contact, but today had seemed like those things had escalated so far since the last time he has seen her. Something happened to her and he knew that, but he didn’t know what. Awsten could feel his mind running in overtime, trying to figure out what had left this girl so terrified of even the slightest touch from a long-time friend. He could feel his heart breaking. He wanted to be able to hug her and hold her and make sure she didn’t fall apart, but he couldn’t do that and he felt so useless. Useless. Useless.

"Geoff didn’t mean to hurt you, he’s beating himself up downstairs" Awsten explained to break the silence.

"I know he didn’t, I'm not mad at him, I'm just scared." She told her purple-haired friend, still not looking away from the horizon. She found it easier to talk when she wasn’t looking at him. Plus knowing that there would be a look of concern spread across his face especially after she flinched away from him, made her really not want to look back.

"What’s scaring you?" he asked softly, wanting to be able to help.

"Being alone I guess...I know you have to go on tour, I know you all love it and it's your dream. I just don’t like being alone." She told him, as she pulled her knees up to her chest, still not taking her eyes off the horizon.

"You know I wish you could come with us," he told her truthfully. He hated leaving the girl he liked and being away for months. The first time he had gone on tour he thought maybe a breakaway from seeing her all the time would lessen his feelings for her, but as time passed his feelings remained and now he was in too deep. And she had no idea.

"Me too" she admitted, turning back, and offering a small smile before returning to staring at the horizon.

The two of them allowed the sound of the breeze running through the nearby trees and the birds singing wash over them as they sat there watching the horizon. It was calm and peaceful, it felt safe. It felt like home.


	4. Chapter Four – Hold On to Hope If You Got It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: 26 - Paramore

After a while of the two of them sitting in silence, Awsten broke it by saying "I was wondering if you wanted to stay tonight, we could all have a movie night or whatever, that way we could all spend some more time together before we have to go.”

"I…um maybe," Aurora stuttered. She didn’t want to end up having a nightmare around her friends, she didn’t want anyone to know. Geoff already knew, and that’s enough, enough, enough. "I… um going to see Geoff" she spluttered before she shot up and climbed back in the window, leaving Awsten confused and concerned.

Ari made her way downstairs, wanting to be with Geoff. He knew how to calm her down and she didn’t want to have another panic attack today. As she walked downstairs, she trailed her hand along the wall to remind her that she was there and not floating away. Grounding herself to the present. She made her way to the living room door to see her other three friends. Otto and Jawn were absentmindedly watching whatever show was on the TV and Geoff was slouched down by the armchair she had previously been sitting in. It was like he hadn’t moved since she walked out of the room. None of them noticed her right away, so she quietly knocked on the open door and Geoff’s head shot up.

"I’m not mad, I’m sorry I walked out, but... um... can I talk to you?" she asked while wringing her hands together. By now the other two had noticed she was there, but she only looked at Geoff.

"Yeah of course," he said as he jumped up and followed her out of the room. She kept walking until they were in the kitchen. "I’m sorry I never mentioned anything, I know I should have but then everything happened, and I didn’t want to make it worse and I didn’t want to leave you, and by telling you we were going it made it seem so much more real and I didn’t want it to seem real, I’m sorry." Geoff rambled, wanting to hug his best friend but not wanting to push her over the edge.

"It’s okay Geoff, I get it, but um, Awsten suggested a movie night for everyone and then I freaked out and kinda ran away from him," she admitted a blush covering her pale checks in their rosy colour.

"Oh Ari." He smiled softly at his best friend. He hated that the slightest thing could set her off. "Are you worried you’d have a nightmare?" He watched her nod and bite her lip. "They won’t judge you if you do have one, and I’ll be here for you. I always hate that I have to be there over the phone, and this would allow me to be there in person if you did need me." He said in an attempt to comfort her.

"I don’t know if I would be able to sleep with other people around either…" she admitted her soft voice cracking.

"Oh Ari… no one here is going to hurt you, they wouldn’t dream of it, and I will be here to protect you, you know I won’t let anything happen." Geoff comforted her, his heart smashed into a million pieces as he saw the tears that were welling up in her eyes break free and slip down her face. Ari did something he didn’t expect, she fell into him and held on tightly as more tears slipped past her eyes. After a few seconds of shock, Geoff wrapped his arms around his broken best friend as she cried into his shoulder. He held her like he was trying to stop any more parts of her from falling apart, hoping he could help hold her together.

They stood like that for a while, even after Ari had stopped crying. It felt nice to feel safe, to feel warm and loved. Geoff was like the best friend/big brother she could ever ask for. "Thank you for holding me, I wanna stay tonight." She told him as she pulled away from the hug and wrapped her arms around herself instead.

"Are you sure?" he asked. Geoff didn’t want Ari to feel uncomfortable staying and it ending up doing more harm than good.

"I’m sure,” she said, a small smile dancing across her face.

So, a few hours later, they were all covered in blankets - Ari on the armchair with Jet curled back up on her lap, Geoff and Awsten on the sofa next to that, and Otto and Jawn on the other sofa watching the second film of the night. All of a sudden, Geoff felt his phone buzz.

He pulled his phone out and quickly saw that it was a message from Awsten. He turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow, confused why Awsten would have texted him. "Just read it," Awsten mouthed to him. So that’s what he did.

‘Do you think management would let us bring Aurora?’

Geoff paused to think. They did have an extra bunk on the bus, this could work out. But would Ari be up for it? Geoff knew she liked her time alone, and tour life doesn’t always provide that. He knew Ari liked her own personal space and again, tour buses aren’t the most spacious places on earth. But, it could do her wonders to get out of this town, get away from all the memories, surrounded by distractions and friends. It could be good for her - or it could be two months filled with extremely high levels of anxiety.

‘I’ll phone them.’

Geoff cleared his throat then announced, "I just remembered I told my mum that I’d phone her tonight, so I’m gonna go do that real quick," before throwing the blanket off him, standing up and leaving the room, sending Awsten a smile on the way out.

They better say yes, was all Awsten could think as Geoff left. He looked over at Aurora and his cat curled up on that armchair. He couldn’t help but let his mind wander, being able to spend two months with her would be amazing, maybe he could finally make a move, although maybe he should talk to Geoff about that first. He knew when she needed space, or when she needed someone there, so maybe he would know if this was a good idea. Oh hell, it’s probably not. She had never shown any sign to be interested in him.

By the time Geoff came back, Ari was asleep, curled up in the armchair. He didn’t blame her, he had seen how exhausting her panic attacks could be and she had a full blown one this morning and almost another one earlier on. She looked so small curled up, but it also didn’t look very comfortable.

"Hey Awsten, can I bring her up to your room to sleep?" Geoff asked as he entered the room and started walking over to the sleeping girl.

"Of course, man," Awsten replied. Geoff carefully picked up the sleeping cat and placed her next to Awsten instead before putting one arm under Ari’s knees and the other supporting her back. Ari was small, always had been, so carrying her upstairs wasn’t too difficult for Geoff, and luckily, she was too worn out to wake up. She stayed asleep as he gently placed her in Awsten’s bed and pulled the blanket up, so it covered her. He sent a silent wish that she didn’t have any nightmares before he turned around and walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him, not wanting to disturb her.

Geoff made his way back down the stairs, walked into the living room and sat down before Awsten turned to him and asked "So? What did management say? Yes or no?"


	5. Chapter five – I Never Wanted To Be Thinking This Loud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the Chapter: Blonde - Waterparks
> 
> TW: panic attack, if you ever need a rundown of what happens in a chapter because you don't want to trigger yourself, just send me a message and I will give you one.

A hopeful smile appeared on all three of the guys faces, so it was clear that Awsten had mentioned the situation to them when Geoff was taking Ari upstairs.

"Geoff tell us! Can she come?" Otto asked impatiently, the three of them staring at him intently, waiting to hear the answer.

"They said yes!" Geoff grinned at his friends, the grin transferring to their faces a split second later.

"This is going to be amazing!" Awsten announced. "All five of us together!” He couldn’t keep the smile off his face, and he felt no need to. They were all so thrilled they wouldn’t have to leave their best friend behind. Their memories of this tour would include Aurora, which instantly made it better.

For a while the four of them celebrated, talking about how amazing tour was going to be, but eventually, they all got tired. Geoff and Awsten made their way to the blow-up mattress Awsten had sorted in his room earlier, and Otto and Jawn both took a sofa. When Geoff and Awsten snuck into the room, they could see Ari was still asleep, so they made as little noise as possible as they climbed into the makeshift bed, wishing each other a quiet goodnight before trying to fall asleep.

As Awsten lay there, he couldn’t help but think of the next few months. He knew Aurora might find it hard being so cooped up in a tour bus, but he also knew she would rather do that than stay here alone. They hadn’t even asked her if she wanted to come yet, but they were all pretty certain that she would say yes. Awsten imagined taking her out to his favourite places in all the cities that they had already visited and were going to be revisiting on this tour. Showing her places where he had found a few moments of calm in all of the rush of the tour. He wanted to help her through everything that was going on, he didn’t want her to feel alone. Awsten opened his eyes and looked over at the girl laying on his bed, the light from the moon shining through the window and basking her face in its soft glow. She looked peaceful, soft, and so very beautiful. Her already pale complexion looked even paler in the moonlight glow. Awsten rolled on to his back and let out a small sigh. Living with her for two months was going to be so hard. Wanting to confess his feelings but being too scared to do so was going to suck. Eventually, he allowed sleep to consume him.

When she woke up to the sunlight shining in through the window, Ari was surprised to find she hadn’t had a nightmare. She didn’t have them every night, but it was more common than not for her to have one. With that thought, a smile played on her lips as she opened her eyes. Awsten and Geoff were laying there still asleep, so Ari carefully got up and tiptoed out of the room, careful not to make any noise. She continued on her way downstairs, figuring that Otto and Jawn would still be asleep, and made her way into the kitchen. Her guess seemed to be correct as she found the kitchen empty, so she poured herself a glass of water and took a seat at the small table that was pushed up against the wall of Awsten’s kitchen.

Pulling out her phone from the pocket of the jeans she had fallen asleep in last night, Ari decided to scroll through some of her Instagram feed as she waited for someone else to wake up. She wasn’t the biggest fan of Instagram, she just liked having somewhere to store all the photos of nature she took. She’d always been a big fan of nature, finding it so calming, peaceful and beautiful. Scrolling down Instagram could easily become boring very fast, however, so Ari decided she’d scroll once more, then close it down. That one more scroll was a mistake.

Her heart was in her mouth, she couldn’t move she couldn’t breathe she couldn’t blink. Why why why. The face of her nightmares. Her mouth was dry. So dry. Everything froze. She couldn’t tear her eyes off him him him. Her hands started shaking, her phone slipping out of her hand, hitting the table with a clutter. She couldn’t move. Paralysed by the fear of the memories. Her chest felt so heavy, like someone dropped a thousand bricks on top of her. She couldn’t do this. Her whole body was shaking but she couldn’t move. It was like time had frozen her in place.

"Aurora! Oh fuck." She heard a voice, but everything was so muffled, and she couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe.

"Aurora, come on look at me!" She heard the voice again, but she was still frozen, stuck, trapped.

Then she felt the hands on her arm. It was like a key turning in a lock, her arm jerking away from the touch like it burned like someone had held a red-hot piece of metal to her skin.

"NO, stop please, stopstopstop" she cried, her voice cracking and wobbling. Her hands shot up, grabbing the hair on her head, and she pulled pulled pulled. It needs to stop. Everything needs to stop.

"Geoff!" she heard the voice again. It was louder this time but still muffled. Still felt like drowning and falling and trapped.

It wasn’t long before a different voice became apparent.

"Ari, it’s me, Geoff, you’re okay, you are safe, I’m right here, can you try and look at me please?" The sound was soft and soothing. She lifted her eyes up from the table and turned to the direction the voice came from.

"That’s it, Ari, I’m proud of you, you can do this, you’re okay, everything is going to be okay, can you try and breathe for me?" She tried her best to focus on the sound of Geoff’s voice, but the picture was flashing through her mind over and over.

"Try and copy my breathing yeah? In and out, nice and slow" And she did, she did try. She watched as Geoff’s chest rose and fell, and tried to match her breathing to that rhythm. Eventually, after a long time of copying Geoff’s breathing, Ari finally had hers under control again.

"You want to try and tell me what happened?" he asked in his softest voice, still crouching down on the floor next to the chair she was sitting in.

Instead of trying to talk, Ari just slid her phone over to Geoff. Luckily it landed upside down, so she didn’t have to worry about seeing that again. Geoff took the phone and immediately frowned at what he saw. It was a picture of that man with some girl Ari must have followed. He felt his heart shatter for his best friend once again.

"I’m sorry you had to see that Ari, how about you go lie down for a bit? I’m sure you’re exhausted, that’s one of the worst ones I’ve seen you have." Geoff suggested, his voice soft and calm and soothing.

"Can you lay with me?" Ari asked, her voice strained and tired.

"Of course, are you okay with me touching you?" he asked warily. He didn’t want to try and help her upstairs if touching her would send her anxiety back through the roof. He got a small nod in return, so he stood up and held out his hands for his tired friend. Soon enough his hands were filled with hers and he pulled her to her feet gently, before lightly wrapping his arm around her waist in order to support her.

"Come on, just one step at a time, and before you know it you can be all curled up in a nice warm duvet." Geoff gave words of encouragement to her, and they were on their way - one tired, wobbly step at a time.

As they passed the living room, he peeked inside and saw Awsten come to a halt, staring out the open doorway. Geoff mouthed ‘she’ll be okay’ to his distressed friend and continued in helping Ari upstairs. Once they reached Awsten’s bed, Geoff helped her lay down and pulled the blanket over her before climbing into the bed next to her, being careful not to touch her. He knew she said she would be okay with him touching her, but he didn’t want to push her over any boundaries.

"Can you sing to me? I’ve always loved your voice," Ari confessed in her sleepy state, her eyelids drooping, her breathing evening out. Geoff knew she would be out in seconds, but he complied with her wish nonetheless and started to sing.


	6. Chapter Six - A Handful Of Moments I wished I could change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: Therapy - All Time Low 
> 
> Trigger Warning: Panic attack.

Awsten was woken by a loud bang. He had always been a light sleeper, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to him that Geoff was still sound asleep next to him. However, when he glanced over at the other side, he found that Aurora was no longer lying in his bed asleep.

He decided to go find her, so he pushed the blanket off himself and quietly made his way downstairs. He figured Aurora would be in the kitchen if she was awake because Otto and Jawn would probably still be asleep. Pushing the kitchen door open, he saw Aurora facing away from the door. He was about to say good morning when he noticed she was shaking.

"Aurora, oh fuck.” Now he was panicked, and he knew that wasn’t good or helpful. She looked so vulnerable and small as he rushed over to her frozen figure and crouched down next to her. His heart was racing, he could feel it as he looked at the face that was staring off with a pained expression.

"Aurora come on, look at me!" He willed his voice to be strong, to be calm, but it came out all wavy and she didn't seem to be listening. He wasn’t sure if she even knew he was in the room. Was she so out of it that she couldn’t hear him at all, or was she hearing him but unable to move? He felt clueless as he hoped that she would look at him, but her eyes stuck their gaze to the table, her arm still frozen as if she was holding her phone even though it was now laying on the table. It was like someone had turned her into a statue. Awsten's heart shattered, he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to help. He felt so useless. Pointless. Stupid.

He needed to get her to look at him, he knew that, or at least he thought that could help. He’d heard about grounding techniques. Get people to realise where they are. That they are safe. It had worked with him in the past, knowing that someone was there had been a huge help for him. He reached out, lightly placing his hand on her arm. Wanting her to look at him, to realise that he was there, that she wasn’t alone, that she would be okay.

Instead, she jerked her arm away, like someone had burned her. Like he had burned her. Like he had held scorching metal to her arm.

"NO, stop please, stop stop stop!" she cried, her voice cracking and wobbling. He saw her hand fly up to her hair, pulling, tugging. Fuck he was just making things worse.worse.worse. His own breath started racing. He couldn’t do this, he was just making it worse. She didn’t need this. He couldn’t do this.

Geoff. She needs Geoff.

He stumbled away from her, tripping over his own feet as he scrambled his way over to the door shouting "GEOFF!" as he opened it, hoping it would be enough to wake his sleeping friend. He knew that the shouting probably wouldn’t be helpful to Aurora, but he also knew he wasn’t helping by being there.

"What?" Geoff asked frantically. He must have heard the desperation dripping from Awsten’s voice because he came running down the stairs within seconds.

"It’s Aurora, she’s having a panic attack and I’m just making it worse. Help her. Please." His voice was weak and breathless as he pleaded, even though he knew he wouldn’t have to. Geoff would want to help her no matter what.

"Okay, go, she’ll be okay, but please go," Geoff asked. He seemed calm, Awsten didn’t know how he could do it. He stepped out of his way and let Geoff into the kitchen to be with Aurora, closing the door behind him.

Awsten froze outside the kitchen door, not knowing how to process what had happened. He made it worse. All he wanted to do was to help and he made it worse.

"Awsten what’s going on?" he heard Jawn ask. He looked up to see both him and Otto in the living room doorway, staring at him with concern.

"She was having a panic attack. I made it worse," he admitted. He felt like he could move again so he walked into the living room, but then he couldn’t stop moving, so he began pacing back and forwards like he was on autopilot.

"Awsten, it’ll be okay, she’ll be okay, Geoff’s with her." Otto tried to soothe him.

"I know," he admitted. He knew she would get through this panic attack, he knew she would be okay in the end, but he hated hated hated that he had made it any worse for her than it already was. All he wanted to do was help her, he wanted to be able to take away all her pain, but instead, he just made it worse. So, he kept pacing, keeping him occupied. Otto and Jawn were talking, but he didn't pay any attention. He didn’t know how much time had passed but as he paced back towards the door, he saw Geoff, holding up Aurora, and suddenly he couldn’t move again.

Geoff seemed to notice and mouthed ‘she’ll be okay’. Awsten gave him a small nod watched as the pair started walking again.

When Awsten felt like he could move again, he decided to go sit on the sofa in between Jawn and Otto. He collapsed down and rested his head in his hand, his fingers running through his hair.

"It’s gonna be alright you know," Otto reassured him, running his hand up and down Awsten’s back in an attempt to be comforting.

"I know, I just hate that I made it worse," he confessed, relaxing into Otto’s touch slightly.

"It wasn’t like you were trying to make it worse, she wouldn’t blame you," Jawn comforted. Awsten gave a small nod and the three of them fell into silence.

It wasn’t long before they heard footsteps come down the stairs and Geoff appeared at the doorway.

"Alright, I should probably tell you how to help her through panic attacks, especially if she decides to come on tour with us." He announced as he took a seat on the other sofa. The others just nodded, not really knowing what to say. "Okay, the biggest thing is don’t touch her. Even after the attack is over, ask her before touching her, because sometimes she is okay with it and other times she is not, so always ask." Awsten couldn’t help the guilt that washed over him. He did the number one thing not to do. He should have known, she is touch adverse even when she wasn’t having a panic attack sometimes. He should have guessed. He should have known.

"Also, try and stay calm, and use a really soft voice. You gotta talk to her and keep talking to her even when it seems like she isn’t listening. Try and get her attention, and get her to look at you. You have to tell her she will be okay, that everything will be okay, reassure her, tell her that she is doing a good job. And when you have her attention, try and get her to copy your breathing. You are gonna have to exaggerate with that, so she can clearly see your chest rise and fall, got it?" The three of them told Geoff they understood with a nod, none of them able to find any words.

"Oh, and tell her your name, and that she is safe," Geoff concluded with. The three of them nodded, and the room fell into silence once more.

"Alright well, I’m gonna go back upstairs. I don’t want her to wake up alone," Geoff told the group, before making his way out of the room.

"Fuck…" Otto muttered, "I knew things weren’t good, but I didn’t know they were this bad."


	7. Chapter Seven – Hold Me, Feel My Heartbeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: Kiss Me Again - We are the in Crowd

It was a couple of hours later when Ari woke up before she had even opened her eyes she could feel the pain throbbing in her head, it reminded her of the panic attack she had. Forcing herself to open her eyes she was greeted with Geoff sitting on the bed next to her, one earphone in and scrolling through his phone. She hated always being a burden to her friends, she hated feeling weak and broken, but she didn’t know how to fix it.

"Hi," she said as she looked up at him.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked looking over at his best friend, he placed his phone on Awsten’s nightstand and took the earphone out.

"My head hurts, but I’m alright" she explained pulling herself up to sit beside him.

"Thought it might, here I got some tablets while you were asleep," he said passing them over along with a bottle of water.

"You’re the best" she smiled and took the items from him.

After taking some tablets and drinking some water Geoff asked her "do you want to talk about what happened?"

"I thought today was going to be a good day, I had no nightmares, I smiled when I woke up, I felt okay, I felt good. But then I just saw that picture and I froze and I just couldn’t. I think Awsten showed up then, I feel bad, I kinda yelled at him" she admitted to Geoff, her hands tugging the fabric of her sweater over her hands.

"Today still can be a good day, let's count since you woke up again as a new day okay? And it’s okay, Awsten was just trying to help, but I talked to them, I told them what to do, and what not to do, if it happens again okay?" he asked looking at his friend. He hated what has happened to his best friend and feeling so helpless, knowing that the slightest thing can trigger an avalanche of emotions and be unable to make her pain stop breaks Geoff’s heart, he wants Ari to have good days, so many good days that the bad days are so few and far between that she doesn’t even remember feeling this low.

"Okay…" she agreed not seeming 100 per cent convinced.

"Besides I have a question for you that might brighten your day," Geoff tells her. Ari looks up at him to see he has a small smile on his face, but he also looks kinda nervous, so she nods at him to go ahead.

"Would you like to join us on tour?" she felt her heart beat faster, but not in a bad way, she was just excited, she could feel a huge smile start to form on her face.

"Of course! Gee is this actually happening, is management okay with it? Is everyone else okay with it?" wanting to ask all of the questions before she got her hopes up too high.

"Ari, I promise this is really happening" he beams at her, seeing his best friend light up like this is contagious.

"Geoff, I need this so much, I need to get out of here, I need to run away from here for a while, thank you, thank you, thank you" Ari gushes, tackling him into a hug, she feels so free in this moment, she felt so safe being around Geoff.

"Don’t thank me, Awsten suggested it, I just made the phone call," Geoff told her, hugging his friend back, it was rare he had the opportunity to do this.

"I love you, Geoff, I know I don’t say it enough but you’re my best friend and I love you so much" she admits holding on to him.

"fuck, Ari I love you too, you’re gonna make me cry" this feels so good, it feels like home.

The pair hug for a couple more minutes before Ari lets go, "I’m gonna go thank Awsten" she announces before jumping up from the bed, she hasn’t felt this great in a long time, even before it happened, but now she’s getting to escape and explore and just not have the constant reminders of this little town she’s lived in her whole life. Ari hurries down the stairs and into the living room she notices Jawn and Otto are there too, but she focuses on Awsten. She lets herself fall down next to him and drapes her legs over his lap before wrapping her arms around her colourful friend. He makes a small noise of surprise before holding Aurora in a hug.

"I’m sorry for touching you during your panic attack" he breathed out, he’s been feeling so guilty the whole time that she has been asleep and now he finally feels like he can breathe again. having her in his arms was amazing, it wasn’t something that happened often, she has never been a fan of physical contact for the most part, and with whatever happened a few weeks ago she seems to be even less keen on it now. But being able to hold the girl he has been hopelessly in love with for the past few years and knows that she is okay and here, made everything seem that little bit brighter to Awsten.

"I don’t care Awsten, you made it possible for me to get out of this town for a while so, thank you," she said, her words muffled from speaking into the fabric of his sweater around his neck. While Aurora struggles to feel comfortable with physical contact it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love being able to hug and cuddle with her best friends when she is able to, so she always tries to take full advantage of the situations she can. Being wrapped up in someone’s arms can feel so warm and safe and like home, but in the times when she is touch averse, it would feel suffocating, and like she was being burned and trapped. But for now, at least it just feels so much like warmth and happiness, so she isn’t planning to let Awsten go for a while, and she really hoped that he doesn’t mind. Being able to feel his heartbeat and having his arms wrapped around her was so calming and safe. It was like being wrapped up in a large duvet on a cold day, it just feels so warm and comfy.

 

"You’re coming? It’s gonna be so great all five of us together" he couldn’t help the grin from appearing on his face. Aurora is okay, she doesn’t hate him, she is coming on tour, she is hugging him. Everything just feels so great right in this very moment and Awsten doesn’t want it to end, nobody does, everything just feels so right.


	8. Chapter Eight – Pack A Bag, Say Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: Young and Relentless

For the next two weeks, Ari did what she always did - she drew, she designed, and she created. She created clothes and drawings which she sold online. Ari knew she had only been able to keep this going and actually make it something which could support her because of her friends. Their support and help getting her work out to people had been amazing, and she knew she was so lucky to have them or else her dream probably would never have come true.

Over the fortnight, Ari had also been preparing to go on tour, packing up what she needed and trying to figure out how she could bring all the stuff she needed for creating designs on tour without getting in everyone’s way. Tour buses didn’t have a lot of extra room and Ari didn’t want to take up any more room than absolutely necessary. After thinking it through, she decided while she was away she would focus on her drawings and creating new designs that she could create when they got home. She decided it could be beneficial to take a step back for a while, and come back invigorated and fresh with a bunch of new ideas. 

The band had all been pretty busy over the two weeks, with band practices, meetings about the tour and just generally doing all the little bits and pieces they needed to have done before the tour. So Ari had spent the whole two weeks at home alone, which she didn’t mind. She was going to be spending two months surrounded by people, so a couple of weeks alone was probably needed. The nightmares still continued though. She’d been trying to call Geoff less, she knew he was busy and didn’t want to give him any more stress, especially with the tour coming up, but she had been managing. She had been throwing herself into her work as soon as she could every morning, only stopping for quick food breaks and showers. It might not be the healthiest way to cope but it was certainly better than a lot of the things that she wanted to do. Plus, it gave her the opportunity to try and stock her shop up with some clothing before she left. 

It was the day before the tour, so Ari was running around her small apartment trying to make sure she had everything she would need. It was hard, she had never had to pack for two months before. Sure, she could buy stuff along the way, but she liked to be prepared.

As she was placing a pile of her art supplies into her suitcase, her doorbell rang. Knowing it would be Geoff, as he had told her that he would be coming over, she headed over to the door with a smile, letting him into her home.

"Hey Gee, I think I’m almost packed, how have you been?" she asked him.

 

"Good, good, excited to start tour" he answered. "How have you been?" He was worried about her, he hadn’t heard from her much over the past two weeks. Every reply he got was spread out over a long period of time, which was unlike Ari because she usually texted back pretty fast. Calls not so much, they usually made her anxious.

"I’ve been alright, but busy. I’ve been trying to create a little bit of stock for before we left,” she explained, gesturing over to the collapsible box where she had stored the items of clothing that she had made. She had spent the two weeks coming up with anything she could to try and minimise the amount of space she was taking up. She had to bring these clothes with her though, they were her source of income, and she couldn’t leave them here or else they wouldn’t get shipped. 

"Ah that makes sense, I wish we had space for you to bring all your fabrics and stuff, but the bus isn’t big enough, I’m sorry." He gave a small smile to his best friend, knowing that she would understand.

"No, honestly it’s okay. I’ve brought all my sketch pads, so I can design new pieces and my actual art pad, so I can still create my drawings and sell those. Besides, it might be good to take a step back and come back fresh you know?" she explained as she walked into the kitchen "Do you want anything? I don’t have much right now but I’m sure I could make you something."

"Nah, I’m all good, thanks." Geoff seemed a bit off, he seemed a bit quieter than usual and Ari was worried.

"Geoff, are you okay?" she asked as she watched him carefully.

He looked up at her, "Oh yeah, you know just a bit worried, or nervous I guess. I always am right before a tour starts." He smiled, trying to calm her worry.

"Yeah, I am too…" she admitted, her eyes drifting to the floor, not able to make eye contact. 

"Ari, everything will be okay, I’ll be there for you, and if at any point you decide tour just really isn’t for you then that’s okay, you can come home okay? Whatever is best for you,” he attempted to soothe his best friend. 

"Thank you, Gee." She gave him a small smile to show her appreciation. "I’m gonna go make sure I have everything one more time and then we can head to Awsten’s if you want?" They were all going to crash at Awsten’s tonight because it meant the tour bus could pick them up a little later, as they were all in the same place. And considering that the bus was picking them up from Awsten’s at six in the morning, the extra time was needed. 

"Sounds good." He smiled as she left the room. Geoff couldn’t help but worry for Ari. She had thrown herself into her work the past two weeks, and he didn’t think it was just so she could create a little stock of pieces before they left. He could see the bags under her eyes, she looked like she hadn’t slept properly since they all stayed over at Awsten’s a fortnight ago. He didn’t want her to run herself into the ground, he just knew he was going to have to keep watching her when she was on tour, making sure that everything was okay. He hated feeling so helpless with his best friend, not sure how to make things any better for her. He hoped that being around himself, Otto, Awsten and Jawn would provide her with distractions without her working constantly and that being out of town and away from everything would help lessen some of the memories that this town held for her. He really just hoped that this tour would end up being good for her, but it could so easily be a whirlwind of emotions and anxiety, and he didn’t want her to have to go through that.

"You ready to go?" He heard her voice call, waking him from his thoughts, so he looked up and saw Ari with her suitcase.

"Yup, I’ll grab your designs," he said, going over to pick up the box. The two of them headed out the door, and Ari locked it for the last time for the next two months. "Let’s get this show on the road"

Soon they arrived at Awsten’s just like two weeks ago, and while Ari was still hiding behind Geoff a little, she didn’t have as bad of a day as she had the last time. She just felt safe being behind Geoff, like he would protect her. He was like her brother and her best friend, and he had always seemed to look out for her enough for both roles. Awsten must have been looking out of his window again because he opened the door as they walked up the path.

"Hey guys!" he exclaimed in greeting, wearing one of his signature baggy jumpers. Both of them greeted Awsten with a hello, and Aurora gave him a small wave. Geoff had told her that he had brought his stuff for the tour over to Awsten’s before, so he was still carrying the box of her designs. The two of them had walked from Ari’s apartment as it wasn’t very far, plus they both found walking to be very calming a lot of the time. Awsten gestured for them to come inside, and when they did they saw multiple piles of everyone’s stuff littered down the hallway, effectively cutting the size in half.

The three of them walked into the living room to find Otto and Jawn talking, probably something about the tour, with soft music playing in the background. Unfortunately, Jet wouldn’t be there this time, as Awsten had dropped her off at his parents earlier in the day so they could look after her while he was on tour. Ari found her way into the armchair and listened to the guys talk again. She knew it would take a while to get adjusted to life on tour, she was much more comfortable with being alone or with one on one conversations. Group situations, even if they were with her closest friends, weren’t something she had ever been comfortable with. It also didn’t help that they were going over last-minute tour stuff, and she had no idea what they were really talking about. But right now she really didn’t care, being surrounded by her friends just felt like the golden glow of a setting sun, beautiful and warm.

Awsten couldn’t help that his eyes kept getting drawn to Aurora as he saw the small smile playing on her lips, and he started to wonder how it would go on tour.

Would she be okay?

Would it help her or make things worse?

Could he do anything to help?

Would he able to act like he didn’t have these feelings for her for two months?

He couldn’t help but let a small sigh escape his lips. He had always been an overthinker, coming up with a million different scenarios that would probably never happen. But what if they did? Wasn’t it better to have thought over the situation and come up with a way that you could respond to it rather than being completely blindsided and totally confused on how to approach a solution. Okay, he knew it wasn’t the healthiest, but it was a habit he thought he had always had and wasn’t really sure how to get rid of it at this point.

"I need to set up the airbed, Geoff come with me?" he asked, smiling, hoping to convince him to come with him. He really needed to talk to him, but he couldn’t explain why right there.

"Why? Awsten can’t you do that yourself?" he asked confused, not wanting to get up to help him with a job that would take him like five minutes, and wasn’t really something that Geoff could help with.

"Please Geoff.” Awsten saw Geoff roll his eyes but he stood up anyway, so Awsten got up too, pleased that he’d managed to win and get Geoff on his own. Awsten often had weird requests like this and Geoff had grown used to it. And most of the time it was easier to just go with it rather than cause an issue because it really wasn’t a big deal at all.

Once they got to his bedroom, Awsten started to work on setting up the airbed, while Geoff just leaned against the door frame and watched him.

"So why exactly did you need me to come up here with you? This isn’t exactly a two-person job," he asked, feeling confused.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," he said, pressing the switch on the machine that put air into the mattress, but then he couldn’t find the words to say what he needed to.

"What about Aw’s? Is everything okay?" he asked, now watching his friend carefully.

"Yeah, yeah it’s nothing bad. I just, like someone." A rosy blush now coated his cheeks, like someone had just come along with a paintbrush. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. He had held on to this secret for so long without telling anyone. Letting go of any secret that you’d held on to for years was terrifying.

"Aw, does Awsten have a crush?" Geoff teased. "Who is it?" he asked moving, so he wasn’t leaning against the wall anymore but rather walking over to sit on Awsten’s bed. Awsten hadn’t mentioned liking someone in so long, and even though Geoff was teasing him, he was excited to hear more about whoever the colourful boy had taken a liking to.

"Feels like way more than a crush Gee.” He could feel the warmth in his face, looking down to avoid Geoff’s gaze. It was weird talking about having feelings for someone after so long, but also he knew Geoff was really protective of Aurora and he didn’t want this to create an issue.

"You wanna tell me who?" Geoff inquired, acting a little more serious now. He could see this really did mean a lot to Awsten, who was busy making himself look busy, so he wouldn’t have to look at Geoff. Making confessions always seemed to be a lot easier when you weren’t looking at the other person.

"I don’t want things to end up weird, promise you won’t tell them?" he pleaded with Geoff, stopping what he was doing so he could look at him intently, waiting for his answer. He had to let Geoff know he was being serious.

"I promise Awsten, I wouldn’t do that,” Geoff said, sincerity in his voice. "So...who is it?” Awsten quickly looked away again. He could still feel his heart beating, so much so he could hear it as well. He didn’t really know why this was making him as nervous as it was, it wasn’t like he was actually confessing to the person he had feelings for. Oh god... how would he ever do that, he could hardly even do this. Breathe. Just fucking breathe. Come on, look at Geoff, show him you are serious, that you really mean this.

He had never had to force himself to make eye contact with Geoff before, but this was different. He was telling him that he loved someone who happened to be Geoff's best friend, who he was super protective of, and who Geoff practically treated like a sister. Taking one more breath, he looked at Geoff and said:

"Aurora"


End file.
